ChaiTeaLatte

I FORGIVE YOU YOUR ANTI-AMERICANISM MARGARET DRABBLE

Excitement fills her, excitement, joy, anticipation, apprehension.
The Middle Ground by Margaret Drabble

I see him waiting by his car. Back to me, on his cell phone, a baseball cap low over his forehead. Tall, solid, brown forearms tanned from the sun and the wind. 'Hey' he says by way of greeting. 'Hey' I answer back. Such a baby face for such a big man. I can't look him straight in the face - I glance sideways at his face, drinking in the eyes, nose, mouth. It has been a month since we last saw each other. The air is soft. It is summer. I feel the breeze on my bare arms and bare legs. Flip flop flip flop my sandals sound on the pavement. 'So, this is my car' and he points to the shiny, low, black beemer. He seems so proud, like a child with a toy. I feel indulgent and feminine and I can't begrudge him this. 'Your car is so clean' I say as he opens the door and guides me into the front seat. A copy of Wired magazine sits on the back seat. I lean back, excited, delighted, full of anticipation. I like to be in the passenger seat, I like to be driven, I like to be escorted on this little treat we have planned together. He is taking me to M----- beach.

THE MORGUE IN THE DESERT

The building is new with fake adobe walls and a central courtyard with a pool. You walk down a set of steps to the iron gate covering the doorway and out into the parking lot which is covered with gravel and unpaved. The sun is blinding. The Sandias rise in the distance, blue, pink, beckoning. You unlock the car door and leave it open so the hot air can escape and the seats can cool. It takes 15 minutes to drive to the medical center. You park in the first lot - gravel and little shrubs and cacti next to the sidewalk. The morgue is a short distance to the left. At 8:30 sharp there is a conference - images of gun shot wounds and stab wounds and bruises projected onto a screen. The group will discuss the images. Is this an entry wound? An exit wound? And later, you will watch the senior resident perform an autopsy and explain the dissecting technique - organ by organ or block dissection. At lunch, the senior resident leaves you a candy bar at your desk as a little kindness. M asks 'Doesn't it scare you?' You say no, no. It's just kind of gross. And you watch and learn. You are still fascinated by the desert and the heat. You are young and unaware.

Mr. Curt Schilling and the Red Sox

This is going to be fun

MAN WAS THAT LAST POST WHINY

It sits on my desk. Large square canvas with red and and orange and yellow oilpaint. Little swirls and round buds. I asked you to paint me a painting and you did. The colors are rich and mellow. It reminds me of that summer in Chicago on the terrace with a view of the city.

BUT I HAVE REGRETS

What can I do? The choices have been made and I live with the consequences. Regret is a wasted emotion, but also a surprising strong one. It seems terribly unfair to live your entire life regretting one moment. And as soon as I have that thought I feel ashamed because of what I see in the hospital everyday. I'm here. I'm strong. My loved ones are happy and safe and healthy. I should have no regrets. I should feel grateful. And I do. I do.

Silly Sex and the City and happy endings.

JOHN BIG

J came over to watch the last Sex and the City. Perfect. Perfect ending to perfect little fairy tale world where your hair and makeup is fabulous and your friends are nearby and not on different coasts/continents and there are no regrets because Big says you are the one.

ONE LAST THING BEFORE I TURN OFF THE LAPTOP

Il.... and I in Milan sitting at a table with D and the other D. Evening. Student hangout wine bar. Table outside under a tree. Do you remember the Sicilian restaurant you took me to and the little rolls made of fish that were so delicious? I miss you my friend. Promise to call you tomorrow.

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL KATYA

ROBBINS TEXTBOOK OF PATHOLOGY

This is the main textbook medical students and pathology residents use. Practicing pathologists use it from time to time also. I loved the book and it is one of the reasons I first became interested in pathology.

DINNER WITH FRIENDS

Dinner with friends drinks first.
Panoramic views of city promised.
Today if felt as if spring were a possibility.
Read an article about 'pushing forty' that made me smile.
Load up on the bangles and the experience.
Cheers. Chin. Chin.