CAN GOOGLE TEACH YOU HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON?

One of the most touching things about this blog is how many times my referral log shows a search for: how to be a better person (the title of an old post). How do you become a better person? How do you become that person inside your head and your heart, the one you know exists beneath the fear and the inertia and the laziness and the dreariness. The brave person, the strong person, the loving one? I have to admit, I am going through a little, well, crisis is too strong a word. A reappraisal maybe. A reappraisal of the choices that I have made and am making. All day I look through my little microscope, and see colors and shapes and textures. Yes, cancer, no cancer. Yes disease, no disease. My MS waxes and wanes. Today I feel weak. Maybe it is the cold. Maybe it is the disease itself. Maybe it is the death of people I have known, suddenly and unexpectedly. The thing is, I know the answer. And it is not magic. Just the slow daily accumulation of kind acts, responsible acts, little bits of joy. And therein lies the problem. It did not used to be so hard to feel joy. Odd, I just came back from vacation a month or so ago, completely refreshed. And it lasted about a day after I got back. Where did the joy go? And as soon as I write that I feel it is wrong, this is the disgruntlement of affluence and it is self-indulgent.

I know what my mother would say. She would say: wash your face, make a cup of tea, go to the gym and when you come back, say a little prayer. Pray. Smart woman. Lovely woman. How did I get so lucky?

Comments

[michele]

A cherished friend once told me, to have joy, simply think joyful thoughts, your writing does indeed encourage joyful thoughts. What a delightful blog!

[MD]

Thank you Michele. Thank you so much.

[Nick]

Thoreau once said: "Surely joy is the condition of life."

I've seen this on bumper stickers, and it feels true.

Take heart in this: Most of my blog's google referrals are for Quiznos subs and nose-picking.

[MD]

Ok Nick, that made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

[enoch]

i love your blog for its refreshingly appropriate levity in the face of illness and loss. my blog's biggest referrer log hit is for comments i made about stupid tv shows :)

[MD]

And what I love about your blog, Enoch, is it's spirituality. I have a dear friend who is a staunch atheist and I have tried explaining to here that I need to think about God. The thinking itself does me good....

[abc]

i don't understand any of this. it doesn't make me feel any better.

[mt]

Ofcourse it doesn't make you feel better, because they didn't say anything. Stop hiding the ways to become better! Or feel better... :P